The Praise Playbook

The one-nudge rule

• 1.React first. Show them you listened: laugh, gasp, or ask a real question about what they said.
• 2.Name one thing that worked. Be specific: “You slowed down on the important part.”
• 3.Offer one thing to try next time. Just one: “Next time, try looking up at us.”

Praise the process, not the talent

Aim your words at what they did, not at fixed traits.

• •Say “You practiced that, and it showed,” instead of “You’re so smart.”
• •Say “I could tell you thought about your ending,” instead of “You’re a natural.”
• •Say “You kept going after you lost your place,” instead of “That was perfect.”

Scripts for the moment

• •After a rough one: “You got up there, and that is the hard part. What is one thing you would change for next time?”
• •When they nailed it: “You slowed right down at the important part, and it landed. That came from practice.”
• •When they are nervous beforehand: “You do not have to feel calm. You just have to start. Say your first line, and the rest follows.”
• •When they compare themselves: “You are not behind, you are early. Every rep makes the next one easier.”

Turn everyday moments into reps

• •Let them order for themselves at a restaurant.
• •Ask for a two-sentence review of the movie or book at dinner.
• •Have them explain how something works, or retell their day as a story.
• •Give them the floor with one question, and no interruptions.

What to avoid

• •Correcting mid-sentence. It stops the flow and the confidence.
• •Five fixes at once. Pick the one that matters most.
• •“That was perfect.” Perfect leaves nowhere to grow.
• •Comparing them to a sibling or a classmate.
• •Praise they can tell you do not mean. Kids read it instantly.

Keep these on the fridge

• •Instead of “Good job”: “You practiced that, and it showed.”
• •Instead of “You’re so smart”: “You figured that out. How did you do it?”
• •Instead of “Don’t be nervous”: “Just say your first line.”
• •Instead of “Be confident”: “Stand tall and look at one friendly face.”

Remember

Confidence is built by reps with a friendly audience, and your reactions are the reward that makes a child want to speak again. Feedback is the seasoning, not the meal.